Mending Bonds with AI: A Fresh Look at Modern Relationships

Let’s be honest - relationships can be complicated. Whether it’s with family, friends or romantic partners, we’ve all had moments we’re not proud of. Perhaps we snapped during a stressful day or said something we didn’t truly mean. More often than not, it’s not because we don’t care, it’s because we don’t always know how to express ourselves in a way that brings us closer rather than pushing others away.

But what if a bit of psychology, and even artificial intelligence, could help us pause, reflect and make better choices in how we relate to others?

Choice Theory - Why We Behave the Way We Do

According to Dr William Glasser’s Choice Theory, every action we take is ultimately a choice. These choices are driven by five core psychological needs:

• Love and belonging
• Freedom
• Fun
• Survival
• Power

When these needs go unmet, we tend to act out, sometimes by trying to control others or lashing out emotionally. And while our intentions may be noble (like wanting to feel heard or valued), our behaviours can end up doing more harm than good.

Good Intentions, Unhelpful Habits

Let’s face it: no one wakes up thinking, “Today I’m going to damage my closest relationships.” But in moments of hurt, frustration or fear, we often resort to what Glasser referred to as disconnecting habits - ways of behaving that unintentionally drive others away.

These include:

• Criticising
• Blaming
• Complaining
• Nagging
• Threatening
• Punishing
• Bribing or rewarding to control

Chances are, you’ve used one or more of these before. We all have. But the good news? There’s another path forward.

Embracing Connecting Habits

Glasser also identified connecting habits—behaviours that nurture trust, respect and emotional closeness. These are the building blocks of healthy, resilient relationships.

They include:

• Listening
• Supporting
• Encouraging
• Respecting
• Trusting
• Accepting
• Negotiating differences

While they may sound straightforward, putting them into practice, especially in emotionally charged situations, takes genuine effort and self-awareness.

How AI Can Lend a Hand

Here’s where things take a modern turn. AI tools like ChatGPT are proving to be surprisingly helpful when it comes to emotional intelligence and communication. Think of it as a non-judgemental sounding board you can consult before hitting send on that potentially risky text or diving into a difficult conversation.

You might ask:

• “How can I talk to my partner about something that’s bothering me without sounding critical?”
• “Can you help me rephrase this message so it’s less blaming and more understanding?”

AI can’t feel your emotions, but it can help you process them - offering suggestions rooted in empathy, clarity and respect.

Control or Connection?

In strained relationships, there’s often a tug-of-war between wanting control and seeking connection. Using guilt, pressure or manipulation might get short-term results, but it erodes trust in the long run.

The real power lies in what you can control: your words, your reactions and your mindset. When you choose connecting habits, you’re choosing to build rather than break.

Looking Ahead

You can’t rewrite the past - but you can choose how you show up in your relationships today. Whether you’re trying to mend a fractured bond or simply aiming to communicate more consciously, the tools are at your fingertips, and some of them may be powered by AI.

So the next time you’re tempted to criticise or lash out, take a moment. Ask yourself: Am I connecting or disconnecting?

And if you’re unsure, why not ask AI?